Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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