I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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