I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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