Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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