I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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