and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
