I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
