I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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