Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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