i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I understand Curling. That high.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
