So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
