i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i've created a new STD.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
