Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
