Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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