swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
