You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
