using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
