ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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