When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
