i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
