Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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