Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
