She announced her abortion via fbk
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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