I seem to have left my pride at pride
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
