as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
