It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
