JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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