Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
