You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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