Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
