K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
