Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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