its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
