I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
