I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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