If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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