I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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