I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Too much gin, very little bucket
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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