Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
