I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
