i would punch a child for taco bell
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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