i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
