ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
