she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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