We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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