Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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