Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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