i can't believe i had my finger in that
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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