Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
