Welp...herpes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
